Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
