Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
