my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize