i just had sex bonerless
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
