I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
