dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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