two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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