I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
