and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
