Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
