I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
