sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
