i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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