My friends, they love my intelligence
My liver just broke up with me...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
