i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
