I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
nutella sex= disaster
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize