the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
