Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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