just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
