Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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