dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
