he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
