Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
