Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
