I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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