So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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