Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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