They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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