the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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