dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
