What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
