remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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