she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
