How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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