Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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