My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
