i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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