Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
