im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
