Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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