You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize