Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
