All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
