Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
