you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
