I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
