Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
