Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
