I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
