why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
