Already got asked if we're dating
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
