I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
