he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
