if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
