i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
