he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
