i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
