So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
