I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
