i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
