I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
