how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
