playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
