just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
