I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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