If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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