Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
